Missing the Point – The Labour Leadership Race

By Robin Pesto

The Labour Party Leadership race got off to an explosive start as Jeremy Corbyn and Owen Smith clashed over the idea of unity within the Labour Party. Corbyn seemingly wanting it, and Smith and his supporters wanting it too, unless that involves actually having to do it, and then they’re not so sure.


Timmy, our official policy is for sponge deproliferation. Get rid of this sponge immediately.

Jeremy Corbyn seems to think, probably somewhat idealistically (as he is wont to do), that grown adults in politics should be able to take charge of their own lives, decisions and careers. He believes in such circumstances as a huge mandate of support from the Labour Party membership elects a leader, it is each individual representative’s duty to do their best to support that mandate, and the public who democratically made that decision, even if they disagree with it. They are, after all, servants of the party members. Supposedly.

The Labour Party members opposed to Mr. Corbyn, including Owen Smith himself, seem to think that what should happen is those people should have no ability to make their own decisions and should instead be under the thumb of someone else who tells them what to do, providing those MPs all agree with their leader, or can at least be whipped to do so. If they don’t, they can just petulantly resign from positions and claim bad leadership. As if they have no agency of their own.


Well done Timmy, by getting this sponge, we can encourage the other photo to lose its sponge.

Mr Smith also suggested that Labour should not be busy fighting the Tories, but fighting to be in government.

Which would involve opposing and fighting the Tories…Not…Not sure you thought that through, Owen.

There was disagreement on the Trident renewal too, which Mr. Corbyn vehemently opposes. Mr. Smith, however, thinks that the single greatest way to achieve global nuclear disarmament is to arm oneself with nuclear weapons and then suggest the world get rid of theirs. This seems like a fairly daft strategy with an exceptionally easy to spot flaw. One can only hope that it’s a cynical appeasement attempt to try to draw some anti-trident members to his side in which case that insults the party membership’s intelligence. If it isn’t, well then Owen Smith has insulted his own intelligence, or possibly just honestly displayed his lack of it.

Have you ever had a job? Ever had a job with a boss you didn’t agree with? Ever have moments in that job where, despite your disagreements, you came together and achieved something in the end? I have. Because sometimes you have to pop your ego to one side, swallow that pride of yours and do something for others. In this case your party members who fund you, support you and elect you – and the wider public who, if you actually have any integrity in your political beliefs, are suffering right now and don’t need your squabbles.


Brilliant, because we have sponges, other people want sponges to protect themselves from our sponges. Now we can really get to work having fewer sponges.

The thing is, Labour Party, Jeremy Corbyn is not your leader and he is not your boss. You see, the party members are. You don’t say when you get elected, who comes to power etc. The voters do. This is where this whole thing is utterly unbelievable to me. How arrogant and egotistic do you have to be to go against the will of the people when you claim to be the party of those very people you defy?

This is why you are down in the polls. this is why the party is struggling. This is what is driving away voters. Not Jeremy Corbyn, not opposition to Trident and not economic policy. No, it is an endless series of snide behind-the-scenes deals, the backstabbing, the plotting, the conniving, and the sheer selfish arrogance of it all.


Finally we have achieved it. More sponges means less sponges. There is now no danger of sponge in the world. We have achieved complete sponge deproliferation by adding these extra sponges.

The lies in the run up to the Iraq war, the war itself, the instability, the domestic terrorism to follow, the under-the-table transfer of power from Blair to Brown, the deregulation of the banks causing the financial crisis, the piss-poor response to that crisis, the protection of those banks and bankers at the expense of the people, the cocky election where Labour seemed to think they had already clinched a Labour-Lib Dem coalition, ‘that’ letter from the treasury and the complacency with which it was written, the lack of direction, the flip-flopping between left and centre like you were playing the damn hokey-cokey, the Ed and David Miliband betrayal, “hell yes I’m tough enough!” – and then! HOPE! A man who brings an army of supporters to your party and you sneer at him, belittle him, even attempt to dismiss him, and then wonder how come the Tories are ‘riding roughshod’ over you. IT’S SO DAMN EASY WHEN YOU’RE JOINING IN KICKING LUMPS OUT OF YOUR OWN PARTY YOU DUNCES! If you can’t see that you’re not fit to be in office!


Dear Labour Party,

Mr. Pesto wishes it known that if you are in need of a political strategist who actually seems to have some ability to politically strategise, who has the individual courage to say what needs to be said, the strength of will to achieve what is right at all costs – even to himself, and the cognitive capacity to understand sentences like “The best way to get rid of weapons is to get weapons and not get rid of weapons” are really, really stupid, he is available and would gladly use all his skill to try to patch your party back up again before the NHS ends up a Starbucks, the poor are starved to death and interest rates fall to absolute zero.

He’s not on Linkedin because he has a life, so get in touch via our contact form on the website.

Kind regards,

Terminal Context.


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