Taylor Swift Is Part-Cat?

By Cilla Brighty
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Taylor Swift

Anyone who has ever, or ever wanted to, get schwifty with Swifty should maybe think twice after the star’s appearance on BBC hit TV show “Who Do You Think You Are?” in which famous people trace their ancestry.

It turns out that Taylor’s lithe and limber body and unique facial features are purely there because it turns out her great-great grandparents were actually cats.

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cat.

Taylor Swift is one of the world’s biggest recording artists, having sold over a bajillion records and having 42 billion twitter followers. She is notorious for her romances (which are often Swift – badumtish) and then writing songs about them afterwards, such as ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’ and ‘Blank Space’. She has won multiple awards for her songwriting.

 

Do these achievements change in light of the fact that she is part-cat? I would say yes, it makes them all the more remarkable. I got my cat to write a song and this is what came out.


Tugging at My Yarn

Verse

Hey, what’s the big idea? I’m just trying to sleep.
I like sleeping. Sleepy sleeping. Sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.
I wake up, just for a moment, I need to catslap your face.
And then I’ll sleep, and then I’ll eat – get my food all over your place.
And then I’ll sleep, sleep, sleep some more. I love sleep and fuss.
But I’m a cat, I’ll sleep some more. My food bowl’s full I trust?

Chorus

Because if it isn’t, I will poop outside my litter tray.
Though I mean you no harm.
But I need sleep and noms, to help me have a better day.
And if it’s not there,
You must tugging at my yarn.

Verse

I know I look asleep, but I’ve got my eyes half open.
Watching you in the kitchen, kinda half hoping
that whatever tasty treats your cooking I can get a taste (get a taste).
and if I don’t, you can bet that you are going see my beggar face (beggar face).
And then I’ll sleep, sleep, sleep some more. I’m just a cute cat.
Superior to all other life forms on the planet – you can’t dispute that!

Chorus

And if you do, I will poop outside my litter tray,
though I mean you no harm.
But I need sleep and noms, to help me have a better day
and if it’s not there,
you must tugging at my yarn.

Bridge

And the saddest fear, comes creeping in
That I never loved you, or her, or anything yeah – because I’m a cat.

Chorus

So love me, or I will poop outside my litter tray,
though I mean you no harm.
But I need sleep and noms, to help me have a better day
and if it’s not there,
you must be tugging at my yarn.

©2016, Smooze the Cat


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Taylor Swift

Taylor’s great-great grandparents were Mr. Pickles, a large and attractive tomcat, and GH567OXY8/43#2 – a preserved human embryonic specimen. The resultant offspring, Daedalus Swift, would be Taylor’s great grandfather, and the passer-on of her strikingly feline good looks and almost supernatural flexibility.

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cat.

Upon finding this out, it is alleged that Taylor went for sushi and a milkshake, which basically all but confirms the idea.

Where Tay-Tay goes from here is anyone’s guess, although it is likely that as a talented, successful and attractive millionaire recording artist she will probably just carry on as usual. We very much look forward to the album which deals with how she feels about being part-cat and, Taylor, if you are reading, we can discuss terms about you buying my cat’s song above.

 

Lead image courtesy of GabboT – used under CC-BY-SA 2.0 Licence.

Taylor with Blue Guitar image courtesy of Dephisticate – used under CC-BY-2.0 Licence

Taylor in Red Dress image courtesy of Eva Rinaldi – used under CC-BY-SA 2.0 Licence

 

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