Eagle in Labour Leadership Challenge

By Eva Yian

The labour leadership has been up for grabs since Jeremy Corbyn swept into the position on a wave of popular opinion, because if there is something that does not belong in contemporary party politics it is listening to the populace. If the EU referendum taught us anything, surely it taught us that?

However, until recently nobody had stepped forward to challenge the premier of the red rose party, they just kept crying for him to resign so they could continue their playground politics and all have a massive bundle to see who wins the leadership.

Irritatingly for them, Mr. Corbyn respected the huge mandate of support that earned him the leadership among Labour party members and said he would not resign and that if the labour party wanted rid of him, they would have to follow their own leadership rules. Demonstrating exactly the kind of strength of will and leadership they were all busy trying to convince us he did not have.

Angela Eagle has made the leadership challenge. Apparently she is the person who can unite the party, which in this sense means completely ousting anyone who is not centre-left. So, sort of, breaking it up, rather than uniting it, a Pax Romana sort of deal.

This was not much of a shock, Angela Eagle had been tipped as one of few people who would throw their hat in the ring for the leadership and the only one with the balls enough to defy her own constituents to do so.

What was a shock was an actual eagle adding their challenge. The white-tailed eagle, whose onomatopoeic name is ‘Ghee-Ghee’ hails from the west coast of Scotland. She has been involved in the Labour party for quite some time albeit not always without controversy. Ghee-Ghee famously refused to join leading Tories in calling for Scotland to remain part of the UK, believing it would signal a betrayal of the Scottish labour movement. Many of her fellow members disagreed and paid the price come election time. She has also been ruffling feathers in local politics for some time by suggesting an increased taxation on tablet and Irn-Bru is useless and will just lead to a crisis of fat poor people.

Ghee-Ghee gave a lengthy speech that is worthy of full transcription;

“Scotland has long been a labour heartland, but it was usurped by nationalist sentiment after a betrayal by cowards from down south who would rather break bread and drink champagne with their enemies than enjoy shortbread and a wee dram with their friends.

“These betrayers are the problem in politics. People shaking hands with dictators whilst professing democracy. People elected to power on a huge mandate of public support so that they can use it to suck up to industry and business and retire with cushy directorships. People defying their own party members because of nothing more than ambition and ideology.

 “I do not want to see Jeremy Corbyn deposed as labour leader. I believe he has a connection with the members of the public that the labour party want on their side. Right now I feel that the labour party is in a tizzy because they are desperate to win back the attention of the bigots, the ignorants and the racists. But it is not the job of the labour party to accommodate the opinions of the people; it is the job of the labour party to demonstrate to the people exactly why their opinions are right and just, and of benefit to us all.

“As such, if Jeremy Corbyn must be challenged as leader I want it to be done by someone who is not easily swayed by pressure and public opinion, who is not opportunist and careerist and who has a genuine passion to serve the people of the nation under the banner of true labour politics. With everything that has happened recently it has become quite apparent that a human is not capable of this. As such, I, Ghee-Ghee, the white-tailed Eagle and member of the Scottish Labour Party, put my name forward in the leadership challenge. Now I’m off to catch me dinner, I’ll catch ya’s later.”

We must wait and see now quite what this shocking new development means for the labour party, for politics as a whole and potentially for the world. One thing we do know is that the white-tailed eagle is a majestic species worthy of a place at the top table of politics. After all so many of the other bird-brained politicians are ditching their responsibility, eh Cameron, Johnson and Farage?

 

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