Labour Anti-Semitism Inquiry ‘Anti-Semitic’ Some Say

By Orly Yanshufah

Even after two inquiries into anti-Semitism within the Labour Party have been carried out, people still insist on being racist and anti-Semitic.

While both pro-Palestine and pro-Israel groups hailed the results of the Chakrabarti inquiry, which shows that Labour “is not overrun by antisemitism, Islamophobia or other forms of racism” but also sharply criticises anti-Semitic language and stereotyping, giving several recommendations on protocols that Labour should adopt, it did not go far enough for some.


Jeremy Corbyn practices for his big dance number. Somehow his hand signs were interpreted as being sign language for “I hate Jewish people.”

“How dare this inquiry not show that there’s a culture of anti-Semitism within the Labour Party?” said Conservative councillor and professional taker of offence Victor Timm. “If there’s no culture of anti-Semitism within Labour, we can’t pretend to Jewish voters that we actually give a shit about them and we have to stop being racist! Think of the children! Look, look, Jeremy Corbyn compared Israel and ISIS!”

“Aren’t the people who called for this inquiry mostly Zionists?” asked campaigner and self-proclaimed “proud anti-Zionist” Wyatt Mann, whose main contribution to the international condemnation of Israel consists of posting poorly photoshopped memes on Twitter. “Look into it. I bet you most of them are members of Labour Friends of Israel who want to restrict legitimate criticism of the Zionist entity, like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. Zionists themselves made up anti-Semitism, I bet. I mean, it’s easy for them because they control the media, don’t they? I read it on a site which also claimed that Hitler was a Zionist so it must be true.”

Your correspondent interviewed many more people from all walks of the political spectrum and with all kinds of views about Israel, and frankly was very nearly done with it all; something about a country many of her interviewees failed to place on a map makes people lose all their common sense. Finally a Twitter user known only as Fed up already! (@canth4v3n1c3th1ngs) sent her a Direct Message:

“Why should it matter whether the people who called for the inquiry were Zionists, anti-Zionists, or even both groups? Why do Jews have to behave in a certain way in order for anti-Semitism to suddenly become abhorrent? I think Israel’s shit, but some of my family think Israel’s great and won’t hear a word said against it – they were really offended when Jeremy Corbyn compared Israel and ISIS. Why do they deserve to be antisemitically abused just because they have an opinion you think is wrong? Jews in Britain aren’t ambassadors from Israel to the UK, even if Israel is important to a lot of Jews for religious and familial reasons. We already have an Israeli ambassador to the UK. He’s called Mark Regev. If you care that much about Israeli oppression, talk to him – but then I suppose a lot of people just want an excuse to bully ordinary Jews going about our own lives.”


Shami Chakrabarti led the inquiry. Here she is debating the merits of free speech with a bottle of water.

“Personally I’m happy with the results of the inquiry. Really, I’d just like everyone to stop being racist and move on with fixing the world. Why can’t we leave it at that?”

“PS: Jeremy Corbyn really needs to get a new speechwriter.”

Your correspondent understands very well that the issues in Israel and Palestine are polarising and that a lot of people are suffering. That’s no excuse for anti-Semitism, Islamophobia or any kind of racism or prejudice whatsoever.

Terminal Context would like to stress that just because we are a media organisation, it does not mean we are owned by Jews. We do, however, very much enjoy bagels. That, however, does not make us Islamophobic, we also love a good kebab. Not that we’re saying Jews only eat bagels, and Muslims only eat kebab – we are not stereotyping in any way. Jesus Christ, this trying not to offend is too much walking on eggshells. Not that we’re using the name of the Christian lord and saviour in vain, we’re not offensive to Christians. Not that we’re implying Christ was the messiah, that could offend…(continued ad nauseum, cut for editing.)

Lead image courtesy of Labour Party, used under fair use
Corbyn image courtesy of Global Justice Now used under CC-by-2.0 Licence
Chakrabarti image courtesy of Walnut Whippet used under CC-by-2.0 Licence


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