Boris Johnson Rules Self out of Leadership Race

By Brazen Cowherd

In a move that many pundits are describing as ‘opportunistically cowardly’ and that war veteran Major Cockup describes as Boris’ “Dunkirk Spirit – The ability to try to make running away seem brave.” Boris Johnson, whose Leave campaign recently won the EU referendum, has ruled himself out of any responsibility going forward by refusing to stand for leadership of the Conservative Party.

“Obviously I never expected Leave to win. I wanted a narrow margin of victory for remain so I could look like the plucky loser and increase my popularity for when Dave eventually stepped down and I could walk bold as brass into Number 10 Downing Street.” He told press.


Boris Karloff – Nice chap.

“As it is, I dramatically overestimated the intelligence of the British people, who I thought knew what I was up to, and the idiots only went and voted leave. I want no part in the messy negotiations with the EU that are sure to deliver the UK a worse position with their continental trade partners than they had before.” He said, to cheering crowds who still support this cowardly, blonde snake-in-the-grass.

“I think it should be up to somebody else to do all that dirty work and then once their popularity inevitably goes to pot, I can sneak in again like I was planning this time around. But there’s no way I am going to get myself involved in the nitty-gritty, I’ll just keep my head down for a while and then do some Have I Got News for You episodes again.”


Boris Johnson – Frankenstein’s Monster.

Pundits had long argued Boris’ heart was not truly in the Leave campaign, and his participation was just petty political manoeuvring. However, his announcement today all but reveals those true intentions, and that he knows the leadership up for grabs right now is a poisoned chalice. Whoever takes over has to negotiate a no doubt painful deal with the EU, disregard the referendum vote for the sake of the country, or risk plunging the nation into chaos. Whatever happens they will be dreadfully unpopular and will probably not survive a general election.

It is a canny, but obvious, move from Johnson that confirms all pundits’ worst fears about his motivation. We at Terminal Context are no fans of David Cameron, but his single greatest political move was to tender his resignation, as every opportunist careerist megalomaniac, or cowardly sneak, is now revealed.



Lead image courtesy of Jerry Daykin on Flikr – used under CC-by-2.0 Licence

Image of Johnson looking like an alcoholic scruffbag courtesy of Adam Proctor on Flikr
used under CC-by sa-2.0 Licence.


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