By Dierdre Sessions
“I was just walking along in the park, there was an ice cream van and I fancied a 99. I went to get my money out of my pocket and it just, it just jumped around uncontrollably, fluctuating wildly and then fell to the ground.” This is the story of Harry Arleston, of Swanage, on the day that a shade over half of Britain decided to leave the EU.
There were rumours that the pound would fall. Almost every financial expert in the world said a British vote for leave would be a vote for definitely short, likely medium, possibly long term financial instability. Of course, those experts had evidence and knowledge and not appeals to emotion and some sense of national pride, so they were ignored until they could be ignored no longer and the pound started doing some odd things. No one knew the fall in the pound would be so literal.
“I had a quid in my pocket, tore a hole right through, smashed the ground and caused a dent, the fall was so powerful.” Said Norton Blasebury of Stroud.
“My pound did a little dance, jumping up and down, before evaporating to ash. I was only trying to grab a sneaky pack of silver kingskins from Poundland.” Karol Melchet’s story.
“I shouldn’t have taken my wallet, really. The set of steps was too high. I felt a pull from my wallet, I didn’t understand it. Then my wife said “Watch it, Steve, the pound’s falling!” and I knew what was happening, it happened to me once before, back on Black Friday. I managed to toss my wallet away before it could drag me down to my death, but it landed on a family’s home and exploded. I deeply regret it.” Said Steve Dinsdale from a hospital.
It wasn’t just the pound causing confusion as people witnessed them leaping around, evaporating to dust, spontaneously combusting, falling so hard they cracked the earth and starting pop music careers through X-Factor, where they can fall so hard it is unbelievable. Shares were plummeting too.
“I always take my dog for a walk on Beachyhead and, you know, it’s a notorious place so you keep your eyes peeled. Through the fog I spotted an odd figure, it was difficult to make out detail so I got a bit closer and thought to myself – those are shares! Thousands of tiny slips of paper were throwing themselves off the cliff and plummeting all the way to the ground. Many of them were washed into the sea and must have perished there.” Julie Falconer witnessed this event for three hours, she is now in therapy.
Whatever your stories, we advise all of our readers to be very careful with their currency and share options at this difficult time.