What to Expect from Brexit – Expexit

By Alan McSpestos

The UK voters were out in force on 23rd June and decided unanimously, by a huge majority of about 4%, to leave the European Union. But what exactly can you expect from such an event? We gathered a panel of experts to find out what they think will happen.

The economy was the big thing amongst our advisors, with one gentlemen crying as a handful of pound coins withered to dust before his eyes. A short-term economic downturn could easily become a longer-term recession as Britain hammers out new trade agreements, but one of the benefits of having left is we now get to trade with amazing ethical countries like China and India on our own terms.

Immigration was a big topic coming into this election and our experts predict that for the time being Britain has done the best thing possible if it wanted to reduce migration, since nobody will want to come here now, because its economy has collapsed.

Emigration is an issue to consider, also. This vote was not a huge majority victory, it was a narrow scrape. There are lots of people out there who believe the EU is a bit broken, but ultimately beneficial. A lot of these people work in jobs and industries that relied upon the supranational support the EU provided; science, the arts, music etc. We may well see these people leave, so that the only academics left are those annoying GPs who don’t listen to you, the only music is X-Factor winners and the only paintings you see are of matchstick men walking to work down t’pit.

What about Scotland? At this point in time, the Scottish people probably want a laser to cut the country off and sail off into the sunset back into the arms of their European lovers. There will likely be another Scottish independence referendum, they will likely vote for independence, and the United Kingdom is suddenly less united. Northern Ireland saw a decent pro-remain turnout and may very well desire an independence referendum of its own.  Until eventually we are nothing but the United Kingdom of England and Wales. When you behave in a manner that suggests you don’t want to be part of a wider community, you do, sadly, tend to end up disappointed and alone.

So, that’s the situation as it is.

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