The 6 Big Questions Leading into the EU Referendum

By Brett Czit

Tomorrow the UK public faces one of the biggest decisions in their country’s history. Do they remain a member of the European Union, or do they split from their near neighbours to furrow their own path? Polls look close, and it seems unlikely anyone can tell us the direction it is going to go, however, here are Terminal Context’s 6 big questions leading into the EU referendum.

6) How can people still take Boris Johnson seriously?

He’s got the charm of a drunk uncle, the hair of a gormless toddler, the oratory ability of a confused pensioner and if the referendum goes the way he has been pretending he wants it to, he is potentially the next leader of the Conservative Party and possible Prime Minister.

How the hell has that happened?

5) Will Nigel Farage frequent pubs as much post-referendum?

One could be forgiven for thinking that in trying to shed his public-schoolboy past and city-trader life and pretend he’s a common man, Nigel Farage has developed an alcohol problem. He has been seen more times holding a pint of ale than he has doing anything even remotely political, although that might be because as an actual, elected politician he is currently unemployed.

If you have been compelled to alcoholism because of your own failure and unemployment please seek help.

4) What preparations are in place to protect Britain from the cataclysm should they leave?

The Remain campaign has focussed most of its attention not on promoting the benefits of being a member of a larger supranational community, and more on what disasters will befall the UK should they choose to leave. So presumably there are plans in place to counter when the economy fails and suddenly a pound only buys you a slice of bread and a kick in the face, everyone stops trading with us so we’re starving in the streets, we are all unemployed and destitute, World War III begins when France gets a bit narky with us and the Earth opens up as the mouth of the great demon Baal to swallow our souls.

If there are no plans to counter these issues, perhaps instead of squabbling you should have been working on it, guys.

3) What preparations are in place to protect Britain from the cataclysm should they remain?

The Leave campaign has focussed most of its attention not on promoting the problems of being a member of a large supranational community and more on what disasters will befall the UK should they choose to stay. So presumably there are plans in place to counter when the economy fails and suddenly a pound only buys you a slice of bread and a kick in the face because those Greeks have crashed the whole Eurozone again, everyone keeps trading with us but they mainly trade migrants, which leads to them taking all of the jobs leaving us unemployed and destitute, World War III begins when a bazillion uppity Ottomans attempt to invade the UK to steal employment, benefits, Primark vouchers and our women and the Earth opens up as the mouth of the great demon Mammon to swallow our souls.

If there are no plans to counter these issues…I think you get the point.

2) What about Jeremy Clarkson?

Jeremy Clarkson is an amateur boxer and television presenter known for his staunch national pride, ale-swilling swagger and right-wing anti-bureaucratic views. He is in support of the UK remaining a part of the EU. Most of his audience may now disagree with him. With the new show Top-Gear-By-Any-Other-Name coming to Amazon in only a few months time, how will it affect his career?

1) Will we finally be able to stop talking about it?

A recent poll by polling company Vox Populi has found that for the last three months the EU referendum has overtaken the weather as the single most common thing British people are talking about. At Terminal Context, and throughout media organisations all over the country, journalists are banging their heads on desks wishing they had other more diverse things to talk about than braying lefties moaning about xenophobes and jingoists or vice versa. There is a whole wide world out there and we want to be writing about that, instead of this same single damn subject. When the referendum is over, will we finally be able to put all this nonsense to bed and get back to participating in other activities? Because we’re bored of writing about this.

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