Huge Annual Festival Causes Unexpected Traffic

By Val Phesti

Possibly Britain’s largest festival that has been mostly annual since the 90s and dates all the way back to the 70s has caused an unexpected build up of traffic in the area, causing shock to local travellers who were completely unprepared for the massive annual event.

“We never knew this was happening despite it happening around the same time every year,” Said one motorist, “Now I’m stuck in traffic and I’ve got important things to do.”

However the festival goers have been getting out of their cars and having parties by the side of the road, making the congestion worse. As I walked down the road, taking in all the vehicles and surveying the scene, one man in a jester hat approached me, dancing, offered me a dab, and then danced off.

Glastonbury festival is an event whereby a bunch of wannabe hippies and plastic socialists with more money than sense, the men dressed in baggy t-shirts and three-quarter-length trousers, the women in tank-tops and frayed denim shorts, all of them with silly sunglasses, gather together to take drugs, enjoy unsatisfactory toilet facilities and occasionally listen to some music. Kanye West once performed there as a standard bearer in the crowd waved a flag featuring his missus, Kim Kardashian, sucking a willy that was not Kanye’s – it’s that sort of place.

The unexpected level of traffic comes with increasing gentrification of the event, suggests Justin Ghadeira, a long time visitor to the event who has stopped in recent years. “It used to be that you and some mates would make your way to the West Country and then just walk to the festival in your wellies. Now they’re driving up in Volkswagen Scirrocos and Range Rovers. Tickets have become so expensive that now only pricks can get in.” He said.

Whatever the reasons for the traffic, it is, apparently, news.


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