By Summer Holiday
Veteran singer, tennis fan and such an overwhelmingly nice guy that you suspect something is wrong with him, has been cleared of all charges of crimes against music.
“It is good to finally put these vile allegations to rest. I am, and always have been, a good musician, releasing classics such as Mistletoe and Wine, Devil Woman, and Millenium Prayer.” The singer said.
The allegations of crimes against music were raised under a spotlight of public attention, as the BBC filmed police raiding his record collection and pulling out incriminating evidence like a vinyl of ‘Living Doll’ for the cameras. This has irked the white-toothed leather-faced mainstay of rock and pop. “I think I have been dragged out as bait,” he said, “and no musician should have to have their back catalogue subjected to such public scrutiny unless it’s for a list documentary on ITV2.”
However, there are some things in Cliff’s past he will admit are not his cup of tea. “I am definitely not a fan of The Young Ones. I am sure a full and frank investigation will reveal I have never touched The Young Ones in my life.”
Cliff, now 292 years old, is looking forward to Wimbledon.