By Major Deesa Pontmant
UKIP party leader Nigel Farage today set off with an army of disgruntled fishing workers to storm London via the Thames, with plans to start a ruthless coup d’état that would oust the government, install Farage as head of state and give the fishermen an opportunity to get one over on those ‘Eurocrats’ who enacted what they see as the ‘disasterous’ Common Fishing Policy.
Thankfully the government received word of the planned coup and sent out their crack team of Bob Geldof and some placard carrying activists who safely deterred the attack by Farage’s insurgence. Bob Geldof comes with intricate knowledge of the weapons of wealthy hypocrisy and Boomtown Rats and it is believed it is the latter, Boomtown Rats, that were deployed on this occasion. It seems especially likely since many of Farage’s improvised Navy had to be treated for ear problems. It is the first time Boomtown Rats has been used as a weapon in British territory since the great war of sympathy in 1985 where, at Live Aid, Boomtown Rats had to be used to forcibly encourage people to give money to starving Africans.
It is not the first time Nigel Farage has attempted an ambitious coup. His first attempt was in 2010. On this occasion, Nigel planned to fly to the very seat of power and usurp it via light aircraft. Unfortunately for him, the aircraft crashed, and a respectable, honourable man was left broken and twisted in the wreckage to suffer every day, and Farage was injured too. No Bob Geldof was required that day.
Speculation remains as to the fate of Nigel Farage.Some suggest he should be tried as a traitor
and if found guilty, hanged on the banks of the Thames for all to see. Others suggest it was nothing more than an ambitious publicity stunt that minimises and trivialises the actual size of the issue here. The fishermen have said that they just wanted to make a legitimate statement about their roles thanks to the EU. What is certain, however, is that Farage will be back. He is persistent and, try as you might, you never seem to be able to get rid of him – like that bad smell in your fridge or that one skin-tag you always get on your thigh. The same is very much true of Bob Geldof.