Michael Owen’s Euro 2016 Predictions

By Danny Hunter (Pretending to be Michael Owen)

It’s time for the Euros again, that’s when numerous teams from around Europe come together in a football tournament. The 2016 doesn’t mean there have been two thousand and sixteen of them. It is the year the tournament takes place.

There are many teams in a tournament, but only one team can be a winner. So I give my assessments of what I consider to be the favourites to take this year’s trophy.

France

The hosts of the tournament. France are a team of French people. They have attackers, a midfield and defenders. If their defenders can successfully prevent the opposition’s attackers from scoring, and their attackers can score, they can win games. If France win all of their games, they can win this tournament.

Player to watch: Paul Pogba – I knew him from his Manchester United days, and he is very good at football and has an unusual surname.

football-147854_640

This is an artist’s rendition of a football. This is what the players at the tournament will be kicking to play the game of football. That is why it is called ‘football’.

Germany

The organised and ruthless German team follow a model similar to the French with attackers, midfield and defenders. They are very good at scoring goals and I feel if they score more goals than the opposition, they might win.

Player to watch: Thomas Muller. As a midfielder, he is very good at linking defence and attack. He is also named after a yoghurt.

 

Spain

Spain like to play a possession heavy game, and the more time you have on the ball the more you can use the ball to form your attacks and score goals. It can sometimes backfire, though, as teams can sit back and wait for their opportunities to get the ball back. If Spain can turn their possession into goals, and not concede any, they can win.

Player to watch: David de Gea – I knew him from my Manchester United days. He’s a good goalkeeper who stops the opposition putting the ball in his goal. Also, his parties are boss.

England

As mentioned by Danny Hunter on Terminal Context, England will definitely win this tournament. They have a young group of players with pace and skill who should be capable of scoring goals. They will have to, as the defence has looked uncertain at times, but they will definitely win. Unless they don’t, in which case their inexperienced young group of players let the nerves get the better of them, and the defence likely let in more goals than England’s forwards scored.

Player to watch: Marcus Rashford – I knew him from my Manchester United days. He is quick, has an eye for a goal and good ball skills. I remember when I was quick, had an eye for goal and good ball skills, remember my goal against Argentina in ’98?

stadium-918830_640

This is a stadium. The green bit in the middle is the pitch, where football is played. The bits around it allow fans to sit and watch the football. The correct term for multiple stadiums is ‘stadia’.

Belgium

The Belgian side is bursting with club superstars, but on the international stage they have often failed to gel as a unit. When that happens, opposition teams find it easy to exploit the confusion and if they score more goals than Belgium do, then Belgium lose. But if those players can come together, not concede and score goals they have a chance.

Player to watch: Christian Benteke. He is a striker who scores goals. He plays for Liverpool. I played for Liverpool, so I have to give him a mention.

Outside chances

Wales

Wales have not been to a major international tournament for a long time, so there is no telling how they will respond. Chris Coleman has done an amazing job carrying on Gary Speed’s revival of the team. It could be that their grit and determination help them to stay tight at the back, and get it in the net at the other end. If you don’t concede in this game, and score, then you always give yourself a chance at winning.

Player to watch: Gareth Bale. An amazing player with pace and skill, and he played at Real Madrid. I played at Real Madrid.

football-1269438_640

This is a corner flag. It is in the corner. If the ball goes out of play via the line parallel to the goal, a set piece known as a ‘corner’ is taken, where a player in the corner kicks the ball from the corner back onto the pitch. This is why it is called a ‘corner’.

Switzerland

A side that have been improving, and with a talented group of lads. They have a decent defence, and some amazing attacking talent. If they keep it tight at the back, and their attackers find their scoring boots then ther is alwayzz a chanzzzz they mi…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….zzzzz…zzzz

 

Terminal Context found Danny Hunter asleep at his desk and chose to publish this piece to highlight a dangerous medical condition, known as Owen Narcolepsy. Studies have shown that too much Michael Owen can induce feelings of boredom and drowsiness and lead to an amazing physiological response of the brain shutting itself down into a sleep state regardless of what is going on around it.

During this Euro 2016 tournament Terminal Context begs all fans; if you must listen to Michael Owen, please do so in a comfortable position in your own home. Do not listen to Michael Owen while driving, cooking, playing with your children or operating heavy machinery as you are liable to fall asleep at any moment and cause untold harm.

Please consume Michael Owen responsibly.

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