By Timmy the Intern
Happy Birthday Your Majesty
My dearest Queen I pledge my liege,
should anybody come lay siege,
at your door, my life I’ll lay
to protect this Earth and Clay.
Whatever it takes, it shall be done,
to protect dearest Albion.
And I’ll fear none who dare to tread,
upon my lawn, or raid my shed,
or accidentally catch on my hydrangea
or loiter around high on ganja.
I’ll have none of it, for you see,
my meddling’s matched by bravery,
I’ll peer through curtains, front and back,
I’ll protect my cul-de-sac
from the Un-English, Traitors all,
treasonous curs who have the gall
to speak in grimy foreign lingo,
or disagree with playing bingo,
or think the Tories got it wrong,
or pop a pill or toke a bong.
These heathens dare to walk these streets
well don’t worry, I’ll call the police.
Kids in gangs, well groups, well friends.
I’ll make sure that their fun ends.
We are conservative, we are reserved.
We dine on stew, toast and preserves.
We don’t like different, we don’t like change,
if we think your lifestyle or customs strange
we’ll have you tossed aside and shunned.
We read the Express, Mail and Sun.
We are informed, we know the truth,
It’s our opinion, who needs proof?
We pledge allegiance, Royal Highness,
We’ll promote order, not human kindness.
We are your army of loyal knights
Here to fight your Royal fights.
While you sit upon your throne,
acting like it’s us you own.
Our souls, our sweat and our earth say,
Bless you, ma’am and happy birthday.