Frenchman Arrested over Euro 2016 Attacks

By Danny Hunter – Overexcited Chief Football Writer

A man has been arrested in Ukraine after plans were leaked of potential attacks to take place during the Euro 2016 football tournament to be held in France.

We spoke to the police chief involved and he had this to say. “We had very good word he was planning on using Olivier Giroud as the main striker, this is not good enough. Also, why is Karim Benzema not even in the squad? It makes no sense. It’s a gross act of terrorism against French football and this man is better off in custody.”

The man, one Didier Deschamps, is the current manager of the French national football team and has already been heavily criticised for his plans and team selection.


A mosaic showing all the things France is famous for. Clockwise from top left; Incredibly white pantalons, putting mashed potato on top of melted chocolate, prawns, radio masts, Weebls, alcoholism, deformed cats, the Pokémon Swinub, stickmen carrying televisions, bulbous noses will silly moustaches and meatballs on a crescent moon.

“I think he’s a naive racist prick.” Said Eric Cantona, former France and Manchester United attacker.

“I think he’s ignoring me.” Said Karim Benzema, supposedly France and definitely Real Madrid striker.

“I think a little sautéed mushrooms, on some crostini, drizzled with a little truffle oil would make a great football snack.” Said Raymond Blanc, because he’s also French.

There is no news yet on whether the prosecution will pursue a case against Deschamps, and if so, what sort of a sentence he would be looking at. It is believed the trial is to be put on hold while the Euro 2016 tournament takes place, because there is a danger France might do well, and it might make all these critics seem a little bit silly.

All we know is that I remember…


…THREE LIONS ON A SHIRT! JULES RIMET STILL GLEAMING! How many years of hurt is it now? Like, 80? Damn England…Damn.


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