Middle-East Conflicts to be Solved by Game of Risk

by Haas Brogh

The United Nations has come together with representatives from various middle-east territories to once and for all bring an end to conflict in one of the most historically important regions in human evolution and cultural development.

“We’ve been trying war since time immemorial and all we seem to end up with is more hatred, bitterness and war. It’s great for the war economy. A lot of people are making a lot of money selling weapons. But we believe a peaceful middle-east is a more prosperous middle-east for everyone. So we are getting everyone together to decide the fate of nations and borders with a game of Risk.” Said Terrence Polygamy the Chief Executive Officer of NATO war games.

The game of Risk will take place on 23rd July and is expected to be televised live around the world. But not everyone is happy that such a solution has been proposed to bring peace to the region.

“We wholly believe that the only true way to achieve peace is by blowing things up and oppressing people,” David Cameron, prize buffoon, pig fucker and Prime Minister of the UK said, “We work very hard to organise arms fairs, have arms deals with many people in the region and have some of the biggest arms manufacturers and exporters in the world. We don’t manufacture the board game Risk, so the UK economy will lose out a lot on some sandy nomads not blowing one another up and peace will definitely not be achieved by not shooting things or blowing things up. Has history taught you nothing?”


Yahtzee was proposed, and Ben Croshaw said yes, so now he’s getting married.

David Cameron is not the only person to have grievances with this new scheme. Inexplicable Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump had his disagreements too.

“You can’t negotiate with these savages, never mind play a game with them. The only thing that can be done is to make lots of money whilst blowing them up and then make more money by organising the rebuilding effort and ensuring a regime change such that the new government gives rebuilding contracts to your companies. This is how the economy of America has worked since we beat the British in the War of Independence. Why change it now? What will be achieved? Peace? Good luck making money off of that!”

Whether you agree or disagree with the game of Risk strategy, it must be acknowledged that breaking new ground and trying to settle things in ways that do not result in children getting limbs blown off is a positive step. Quite frankly, this reporter would prefer a peaceful solution and would not mind having his country be in a bit of a financial crisis because a global arms manufacturer has gone bust.


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