Tony Blair Warns against Corbyn the ‘Everyman’

by Robin Pesto

Tony Blair’s opinion of Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership of the Labour Party has never really been in doubt. The man who once sent a nation to war against its will, bankrupted the place with dodgy economics and yet who swept in on a wave of popularity as an everyman has warned today of not voting for seeming everymen who promise the world.

“I don’t believe Corbyn one bit. The last guy who ran under the same casual everyman premise did a disasterous job, only serving to establish a strong, prosperous future for himself which the country he governed saw a major downturn allowing the Tories into power with their even worse economic policy that will surely harm the country for many decades to come. That last guy was me, that’s how I know this.” Tony said at a press conference.

“People say I should keep my nose out of labour business.” He continued, “and that I took a party for the working person, twisted it into Conservatives painted red, deceived the country single-handed, and now stick my nose in where it is not wanted to stir up the pot a bit more. But they are wrong and I am right because I am Tony Blair and I am always right.”

For those who are too young to remember, Tony Blair was a swarthy posho whose more grounded spin doctor, Alistair Campbell, manipulated into behaving like an everyman by slinging his jacket over his shoulders, sweating and lying. He took the 1997 General Election with a major landslide, giving the Labour Party a huge majority in parliament, which they used to encourage a growing middle-class with various economic tricks. He would later use a hyperbole-addled dossier of so-called ‘evidence’ to justify a war with Iraq that nobody but George Dubs wanted, and fail to provide good financial regulation to stop the country from falling into a recession because he and his chancellor/rival Gordon Brown (texture like sun) enjoyed sucking banker dicks.

“Jeremy Corbyn is a seemingly genuine everyman, and an actual supporter of Labour values, so of course he should not be leader of the Labour Party.” The smug-faced shitmuncher, Blair, continued, “If he becomes Prime Minister, there is a very real danger of actual delivery of initiatives that could lead to actual equality and humanity. We don’t want that, because it won’t make a small amount of people a large amount of money.”

The newspapers have presented these opinions as if they are important, predominantly because those newspapers are owned by the small amount of people set to make large amounts of money. It’s almost, but not quite because it’s too obvious, like some lunatic conspiracy.

Will Blair keep his nose out of everybody else’s business? No, so expect future stories of him butting in.

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