Bayer Grills Bare Girls on Rare Grills – With Bear Grylls

by Rudolph Bayer – Europe Correspondent

Berlin is no stranger to strangeness. The city of duality, of East and West, has been a hive of the strange and bizarre for a long time. It comes with the territory of being German and growing up in a place where you never knew if your currywurst was spying on you or not. Since the fall of the wall, however, only the strangeness remained, with the sinister undercurrent long since dried up. It is fitting, then, that Berlin in the place chosen by three remarkable ladies, for their incredible charity venture.

Sabine Schlafen, Jessika Schwanz and Molly Gleissen were in a busy city square in odd attire. Wearing chef’s hats and nothing else, the three girls stood over fiery grills making hamburgers and wurst for passers by. Their goal was to raise €1m for a cancer charity with good food and also food dares. So, amongst the grilled beef patties were also dung burgers. Hidden amongst the wurst, were the worst wurst, mealworm sausages. Supporters could either pay a premium for a guaranteed good bite, pay cheap and not know what they get, or join the betting circle, where people would compete to eat the grimmest items to raise money.  Champion survivalist and infantile pisstranker Bear Grylls was among those taking the challenge.

“It was great fun, that ended with me eating a hot dog made from rhino poo stuffed with moths. Wash it down with a glass of urine and you’re done.” Bear said after the event, somehow, between bouts of gagging, coughing and vomiting.

It would be wrong of me to attend such a unique event without getting the opinions of its lead organiser, Ms. Jessika Schwanz.

“It is really about celebrating modern German values.” She says of the unusual festival, “It is every German’s right to be sexually liberated, unashamed of their nakedness, in possession of a historically significant grill and charring up mystery meat. After all, when the Eurozone eventually goes kaput because of GMBHs ploughing their funds into corrupt Greek institutions, Germans will have to get used to not being able to afford clothes on their backs and eating flame-cooked rat.”

A sobering point, and just about the only sobre thing there on the day.  Whatever your political opinion, it was one fun, sunny, grilling Berlin day and we all learned a lot from each other or some such trite crap. I got blasted on steins of Deutsche weissbeer and ate puppy anus, you’re lucky this article got finished.

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