by Nacho Man Sandy Ravage
The government have released the latest data on net migration into the UK and have determined that 333,000 nets more than are exported are being admitted into the UK per year.
The nets, which are used to catch butterflies and fish, or as protective coverings on crops or used to scale up trees or on obstacle courses, are always useful. Yet the government have set arbitrary figures on how many nets should and should not be coming into the UK that are predominantly used to stir up jingoistic nonsense about protecting our borders and making sure the scruffy, unreliable British nets are considered superior in some ludicrous way.
Net migration is actually incredibly beneficial to the UK, given net shortages in places like agriculture, where nets often do seasonal work, the NHS where a vast proportion of the staff are nets since the government does not want to invest in doctors and nurses, and all sorts of other places, it seems remarkable that the numbers of nets coming into the UK is discussed as anything but positive at all.
“I’m just sick of all these nets coming over here stealing our jobs and our benefits.” One concerned citizen from Margate said.
“I heard the nets come over here, are immediately given a free mansion and a pair of Nikes and then they move their parasitic families over and they all get the same, and within ten years they’re all millionaires while I’m stuck on my pension because I’m white and British.” Says an old man who thinks black people are the devil.
“I know some nets are fine. I have a net au pair and she’s wonderful. She does all the cooking and cleaning and looking after my kids while I go for spa days and pretend to care about anything but me.” A mum from Hampstead shrieked. “But my net tells me of other nets who work in corner shops and other such reprobate individuals. I don’t agree with those sorts of nets at all.”
“I don’t like that I walk around my neighbourhood now and no one seems to be speaking English. No one seems to be speaking at all because everyone’s a net.” The words of National Campaign Against Nets leader Simon Dumstruck.
“It’s just a load of leftie nonsense, the last Labour government forced nets upon us and now they have to put out their butterfly catching, fishing with the kiddies propaganda to try to make nets out to be better than they are. I’m just sick of bloody nets. England for the English people who are not nets.” Said Dave.
The debate about nets will continue. Actual factual figures, hard numbers and data telling the truth about nets will sadly always be swept away by propaganda from both sides. Some suspect that creating a villain out of nets draws attention away from a cronyist government doing favours for its mates whilst screwing the regular working taxpayer. Others suggest this is just paranoid conspiracy theory nonsense. The truth is lots of people just get caught up in nets.