England to Definitely Win Euro ’16, Unless They Don’t, In Which Case We Knew All Along

by Danny Hunter and Harry Dunter

Excitement is following the England squad around as they train for the Euros in France, on account of the fact that the skilled young squad will definitely win.  Their players have set the world alight this year, if by the world you mean a seriously mediocre Premier League season. They dominated in Europe somehow getting Liverpool to a European Final, where fragile defences had a habit of getting torn apart by dynamic European attacks. Everything is set up for an amazing feast of football this summer.

Unless of course those weaknesses show through, like we definitely know they will. English centre backs have been shaky all season. John Stones and Gary Cahill have both been exposed this season and will likely be torn to shreds by ‘dynamic European attacks’. An inexperienced young squad is likely to choke under pressure and the insistence on bringing Wayne Rooney despite his being way down the striking pecking order is just a mistake, meaning England will definitely lose.

Except when they win, because the quick young striking talent of Harry Kane and Marcus Rashford will pick up incisive passing from midfield wizards Ross Barkley and Delle Alli and they’ll set the world on fire with a new brand of fearless football.

As they play with fear and inexperience, because they’re going to lose.

But they’ll definitely win.

Unless they don’t.

In which case we told you all along.

Wait? Jordan Henderson’s in the squad?

Yeah, okay, England will lose. Quarters at best.

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