Louis van Gaal in New Job as Manager of Events at InBev

by Danny Hunter – Chief Football Writer

InBev, possibly Europe’s largest brewing conglomerate, have announced the signing of former Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal as their in house events manager.

“Contrary to what Manchester United fans say,” says Alan Skinful, spokesperson for InBev, “We believe van Gaal has everything we need for someone to arrange all in house parties and events. We believe he can, definitely, organise a piss-up in a brewery.”

Competition for van Gaal was fierce and seemingly motivated by proving Manchester United fans wrong. An Amsterdam based sex industry giant wanted him to be manager of their brothels, helping people to score in them and he was also chased by health behemoth BUPA to be the practicing consultant on distinguishing between arseholes and elbows.

Pundits warn that these businesses may have bitten off more than they can chew and that when van Gaal arrives talking about changing a philosophy and being a genius, he might actually just make you look decidedly average.

“These are good times ahead,” said van Gaal, “As I change the philosophy of InBev, turn their squad around and do about as good a job as David Moyes.”

I am sure there is more to come in this story, but for now leave us your comments – Do you think van Gaal can successfully organise a piss-up in a brewery?

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