by Professor Anthony Henry Bull
Little is known of early Indus Valley Civilisation, but new breakthroughs allow us to finally understand their culture and ways. They had some artefacts too, strange and unusual miscellany. One of these was a gift believed to have been bestowed by the Gods themselves, a pair of golden pants. Those precious metal undergarments are now in the possession of divine cricketing sensation Sachin Tendulkar.
That Sachin Tendulkar’s underpants are made of gold is a truth universally acknowledged. What few people know is the power and significance of those underpants.
Hello, I am Anthony Henry Bull, professor of history at the prestigious Bridgeford University and welcome to the written debut of ‘Past It’ – My show in which we dive into the what-has-been and drink in its rich waters. Today we will be looking at the history of the famous Golden Pants of Mohenjo-Daro, and the man in possession of them, Sachin Tendulkar.
Civilisations have likely existed in India for as long as civilisations have existed on Earth. Evidence of modern humans in the Indus Valley goes back 75,000 years and likely longer. Early hominids are also presumed to have made their home in this beautiful, fertile region. However, for those cultures underwear was mostly made of primitive plant-fibre cloth, if worn at all. Harappan texts, now finally decoded, tell of a precious loin cloth handed to a family of honourable priests of the city of Mohenjo-Daro, a loin cloth of pure gold.
Before the decoding on the Harappan texts, all we had were a few mentions in the Vedas, the ancient Sanskrit texts and a cornerstone of Hinduism.
“So he came from the heavens
and said to the town
“Garments of silver and gold, have I.
created in the lands where time does not touch,
or, perhaps, not created at all.
The eternal and sacred, the Shield of Chamanyarna,
The Golden underpants, I gift to thee.”
and the sight, so magnificent, made men blind.
The pants were our protection.
But ours to protect.”
So says the Inventaveda, an ancient Sanskrit text of no known origin. Of even less known origin, however, is the Bhangalaya, the ancient Harappan text that reveals even more.
“Before there was time and place, before the expansion that turned nothing to all there was a great threat, Antyamatar. She who threatened all creation. Chamanyarna the bold and brave stood before her in his majestic attire.
Antyamatar spoke, saying “You appear before me naked as the void but for a golden covering of thy parts. What is the meaning of this?”
and Chamanyarna replied “I am Chamanyarna the bold and brave. I need no covering for shame, but have only this Holy cloth, my shield. With it, you cannot possibly harm me.”
and Antyamatar said “Truth speaks the bold warrior. Those are some rather fetching pants.”
and Chamanyarna said “For true, they are irresistible. Come, and we shall dine on the void and create, rather than destroy.”
Antyamatar could not resist Chamanyarna in his glorious pants. They dined on the void and spoke at length, and laughed and joked and Chamanyarna charmed Antyamatar, and Antyamatar charmed Chamanyarna and they did consummate their bond. The void was no more, and the universe came to be in their love.
They became as family and Antyamatar gave birth to three children, Myata, Pippal and Ordya.
Ordya took all that his parents had created and gave it rule and form, shape and limit.
Pippal took all that his parents had created and gave it growth and sense, purpose and drive.
Myata took all that his parents had created, and feared. Myata found little place for himself in the universe. Myata loathed the ether. He despised the void from which his mother had sprung and the spirit remnants left of it in the world. So it was that Myata slew his mother, annihilating her, and in so doing, turned almost all spirit solid.
Chamanyarna retreated in his grief to a pale marble, where he cried for seven days and seven nights and flooded the planet with oceans. His daughter Ordya, came to visit him.
“Daughter do not despair. Myata is still bound by your rule. You are the sole authority. That which is, is you. This marble cannot be without your say so. Nothing can be in this universe without abiding by your limits. You will be fertile and need no further help. You make your mother and father proud. Now leave me in my misery.” Said Chamanyarna to Ordya, and he wrapped his grief around the planet he was on, and it became the Earth.
His son, Pippal, came to visit him.
“Son, do not despair. All that is is not just for us. Your creations shall be manifest upon my sorrowful flesh. Take these.” And Chamanyarna removed his Shield, “Focus your attention here, and bestow your children with spirit. Let not Myata own all that is corporeal. Protect your offspring with the Holy Golden Underpants.”
And Pippal created all that swim, walk and crawl upon the Earth. All were blessed with Chakra, and the Golden Pants he placed at the centre of the Sun, from where they could bathe the world in their shielding glory.”
This is the creation myth as presented in the Bhangalaya. It is now the earliest mention of the Golden Underpants. More stories of Ordya, Pippal and Myata follow but the underpants remain in the sun until much later on. By this point, Mohenjo-Daro is a flourishing city, with an advanced and diverse culture. Their leader, Hanaulkar, desires to allow men to control their own destiny.
“Hanaulkar the Great soon became chief of all men and spoke directly with Pippal.
“Pippal, the Shield has worked its magic and we now flourish. I beg you, retire and leave the Shield of Chamanyarna in our charge. Let us protect it as it protects us. For if the Shield falls, so we deserve to. Let us tie our fates together.”
And Pippal spake “Hanaulkar, thou art brave and bold – just as my father. A worthy servant. But a gift I cannot give, it must be taken. Man is ready for the responsibility only when man can fly into the sun and remove the pants.”
Hanaulkar worked tirelessly for thirteen years, and built himself a chariot of ice and bred himself horses of flame. With these, he flew to the sun and cast the Pants down to Earth. Upon his return, he was burned and exhausted.
“With the Shield of Chamanyarna, men now rule the lives of men, and all that dwell upon the Earth.” Chamanyarna spoke on his deathbed, “We must protect it all. We must allow the green to flourish, the birds to thrive, the beasts to multiply and the oceans to teem. As for the pants, I gift them to the most honourable family line, the righteous and ancient priests of the Tendulkar.”
The pants remain with this ancient, venerable family to this day, in the hands of the Little Master and Lord High Protector of the Shield of Chamanyarna – The Holy Golden Underpants, Sachin Tendulkar.
Coming from the part-divine Tendulkar family line, Sachin possess natural abilities. He channelled this divine potential into the art of cricket, where he became a world renowned legend. His real achievements, however, have gone unnoticed. In his role as Lord High Protector of the Shield of Chamanyarna he, and his family, have fought off cosmic catastrophe after cosmic catastrophe.
But, I think that is enough for now. There are enough Legends to the Golden Underpants to fill many tomes, and I will be working closely with Terminal Context to see to it that all that I know about it comes to light. For now, though, knowing the origin of the Golden Underpants should give everyone a slightly better idea of why Sachin Tendulkar is so beloved and venerated.
Until next time, I am Professor Anthony Henry Bull and I am Past It.