by Dahls Charwin
Police in East Sussex are asking for witnesses after a man in his mid-thirties went missing, and is presumed to have unevolved. The man, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was a notorious racist who catchphrase “Why don’t you go back where you came from?” became something deeper, more of a personal philosophy.
Scientists from the nearby university were called to the man’s address last week finding only a small tadpole like creature. This creature, believed to have been the man, then proceeded to go backwards in evolutionary steps, much to the surprise of the researchers.
“I’ve never seen anything like it.” Said Dr. Stan Oscope, the head researcher on the project, “We got this little tadpole from the police and they said “Is this the missing person?” I told them no, it couldn’t be, but with more testing the more it seems likely this man has racistly unevolved himself.
DNA extracted from the tadpole before it unevolved and disappeared has been sent to labs in London and results are expected Thursday.
Terminal Context’s own science expert Professor Lord Lord believes this could be an unexpected breakthrough. “For a very long time now there are those of us who have suspected that devolution could happen. After all, conservatives exist counter to the idea of evolutionary progress. In this case, if the DNA returns positive for the missing gentleman, what we have is a demonstration that a cognitive effort to be a bigoted, racist lunatic can literally end your existence in reverse. Most of us will end our lives either at the end of an evolutionary branch if we are childless, or in the middle if we have children. This chap went backwards, but we have been seeing a lot of this recently.”
The professor is of course referring to the recent spate of political moves that look less like progress and more like a return to feudalism, with people electing powerful, famous overlords instead of honourable, devoted public servants. There is also the phenomenon of xenophobia, recently increasing, despite travel, transport and the internet making the world a smaller, more familiar place for everyone.
One thing is for sure, if this man has unevolved himself out of existence, there is a chance many more will do the same, and so, perhaps, this is the next evolutionary step to making sure evolution takes its next step forward, instead of back.